I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
