Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize