I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
