I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
