so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
