Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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