That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
