Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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