proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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