You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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