zippers are such a cool invention
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
