in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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