I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
