Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
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