Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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