You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize