I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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