Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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