I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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