then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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