Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize