I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
