So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
