Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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