She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
