Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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