She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
