I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Watching her eat just hurts me
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
