Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
