Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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