broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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