thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
