my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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