she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
