Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
