It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
