Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
