...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I think I am morally bankrupt
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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