Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
