break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
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