i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Randomize
