my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
