That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
