I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
im holly from the hills drunk
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
