Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
