Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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