I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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