I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
How naked do you want me to be?
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