Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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