you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize