I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
