the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize