Little spoons don't ask big questions
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Randomize
