we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
