she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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