Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize