i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
