Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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