Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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