i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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