I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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