Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Randomize
