My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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