Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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