dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize