Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She told me I should be a condom model.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
