You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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