if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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