Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
