Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
