can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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