So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
