I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
