You work out of a Hotel?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
