There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
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