In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
