MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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