dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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