Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
