I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
