Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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