people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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