you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
