I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
