There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
This baby is an asshole
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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