My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
His nipple licking is glorious
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