walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
