Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
