it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
