Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I need water and some morals
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
