How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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