Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
