Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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