i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We talked him into tasing himself.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
