Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
