I CAN MOONWALK!
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
