so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
