dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize